Saint Cadpig
by Gordon Pasha
Summary: Cadpig and Jake are in the big city of Topstown. Jake wants a regular peaceful date but Cadpig just has to try to bring her New Age ideas to the hardened animals of the metropolis. But when she succeeds too well, things quickly get out of hand. Cadpig is about to learn that being an aspiring guru is not the cakewalk she always thought it was...
1. The Big City

**Here we go, third time's the charm! This next story is just going to be about Cadpig and Jake as they explore the big city of Topstown and interact with its denizens. And of course, Cadpig is once again going to get them in over their heads - in that ever-quirky, completely unique way that only Cadpig can!**

**Now for the obligatory legal disclamer: I don't own the rights to Cadpig (Wish I did!) or any of the other 101 Dalmatians characters, which belong to Disney. But Jake and any original characters are, naturally, my own.**

* * *

"Topstown, sprawling metropolis of thirty-thousand souls. Regional capital of art, culture, business, and entertainment. A city unlike any other. What are we doing here, Cadpig?" Jake said as the two dogs stepped off the ferry.

"I thought it would be a good place for our next date," Cadpig answered.

Jake turned his head. "Why can't we just stay at the farm or go to Grutely? You know, like always."

Cadpig shook hers. "It's time for the annual Grutely amateur motor race. And I didn't want to be anywhere around when that happens. It causes too much pollution in our lovely atmosphere."

"But there isn't a car in Grutely that can go faster than ten miles per hour!"

"It's the principle of the thing."

Jake shrugged. "Okay, I guess. But where do you want to go?"

Cadpig smiled. "I don't know. I was thinking we'd just wander around and see what the city has to offer. Just take it all in! You know, it's been a long time since I've been here."

Cadpig and Jake walked down the dock and into the city itself. "I was born here," Cadpig said.

"What, here in the street?" Jake asked.

"No, not _here_ here. In the city."

"Oh, sorry."

Cadpig sighed as she looked at Jake. He smiled sheepishly. She couldn't help but forgive him.

They walked through the streets of the city. It was a busy Sunday afternoon. All sorts of people were moving from here to there and from there to here. Cadpig and Jake nearly got lost in the large crowd. After nearly being kicked by an oblivious passer-by, Jake said, "Hey, Caddy, why don't we go to some place a little less crowded?"

"Sure," Cadpig said as she suspiciously eyed a hot dog cart whose products seemed less than edible. "I don't think this part of town is all that organic either. I'm sure someplace else must be better. I know, let's go see if we can track down some of my old friends!"

Cadpig led, Jake followed. Soon, they had come into a quieter part of the city. Here, everything seemed to be much more laid back. There were many more animals around, dogs and cats and birds and all sorts. But Cadpig did not seem to recognize any of them.

"Hm, things sure have changed since I lived here," Cadpig said. "I don't know any of these people."

All together, the animals ignored the new arrivals and continued on with their business. But over their chatter, the sounds of a loud argument could be heard. Raised voices were coming from a nearby alleyway.

Cadpig began to walk toward this commotion. Jake grabbed her shoulder with his paw. "It's not our business, Caddy. Let's just ignore it."

Cadpig rolled her eyes. "What? I wasn't going to interfere or anything!"

She then pulled her shoulder away and continued toward the alley.

"Since you never interfere in anything," Jake said hopelessly, knowing that the opposite was true.

In the alley, a small terrier dog and a large St. Bernard were about to come to blows. The Saint Bernard looked as though he could squash the little terrier, but the terrier was fiercely growling at him all the same.

"I am tired of seeing your big mug around here!" the terrier barked. "You take up all the good scraps of food and leave the rest of us with nothing!"  
"What am I supposed to do?" the Saint Bernard answered. "They've put locks on all the dumpsters where I live! I need to get food from somewhere! And it's not like a puny pup like you could eat that much!"

"Oh, yeah?" the terrier said, "Well, it looks to me like you could use a diet! Maybe if you didn't come 'round here, you wouldn't be so fat!"

"Who you calling fat?"

"I think you know who! The dog who keeps eating all the food around here! Just leave it for us!"

As the two dogs were about to pounce at each other, Cadpig calmly stepped between them. She did not show any fear at all, as though she were not in the middle of a warzone. She just sat down serenely, right between the dogs.

"Hello," she said. "My name is Cadpig and I'll be your conflict mediator for today!"

"A what?" the Saint Bernard said. "Is that even legal?"

"You better get out of our way," the terrier said, "or we'll tear you apart too, lady!"

Cadpig smiled warmly. "You know, misplaced aggression will get you nowhere. If you just let go of your feelings of anger and hatred, you'll be able to grow into a happier, more mature individual."

"I won't be able to grow into nothing!" shouted the terrier. "Because he won't leave me any food! I'm skin and bones here!"

"Hey, you act like it's easy," the Saint Bernard said, "to be this big! Do you know how many calories I have to take in each day?"

"Take 'em in someplace else, buddy!"

The two now lunged at each other. Jake, who had finally made it to the alleyway, closed his eyes in dread as Cadpig was caught in the middle. But when he opened them, he saw that there was no reason to fear. Cadpig was holding both of them by the throats, her face displaying a look of subdued anger.

"Uh-uh," she said as she put them back down. "We will not have any violence here today. You have to learn to love one another if you ever want to solve your problems."

She then turned toward the terrier. "Mr. Terrier–"

"Joe," the terrier said.

Cadpig smiled. "Joe, your problem is that this dog here–"

"Maxwell," the Saint Bernard said.

"Maxwell," Cadpig said with a nod in his direction. "Maxwell is eating all of the available food, isn't that right?"

"You bet!" snapped Joe.

Cadpig turned toward Maxwell. "And Maxwell, your problem is that there is no available food where you live. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, ma'am," Maxwell answered.

"Okay then. The answer is simple."

"It is?" Joe and Maxwell said together, in surprise.

"Yep," Cadpig said, slowing nodding her head. "Maxwell, do you really need to eat all of the food? Wouldn't you be able to survive on less?  
"I guess so," Maxwell said.

"Good. You should never be a slave to your hunger. You should control it, it shouldn't control you. It might do you some good to go on a diet."  
"So there!" Joe shouted with a laugh.

But Cadpig turned toward him, and by the smile on her face he could tell that she wasn't finished. She said, "And Joe, do you really need all of the food around here? Isn't it too much for you and your friends to eat?"

Joe nodded. "Yeah, but–"

"Trying to horde something you'll never eat is both greedy and wasteful. You shouldn't do it. You should just take what you need and leave the rest for Maxwell. That way you can get your food and so can he. If you work together, there will be enough food for both of you."

Joe and Maxwell considered for a moment. Jake was certain that they would not accept Cadpig's suggestion. But Cadpig was equally certain that they would. Finally, Joe said, "You may have something there, lady. I'm willing to try it if Maxwell is."

Maxwell smiled. "Sure, I suppose I can give it a try. It's better than fighting all the time anyway."

Cadpig grinned. "There. Now the both of you can lead more productive, more fulfilling lives."

Joe and Maxwell shook paws to signify their new agreement. And suddenly, there was a noise of applause. Jake looked around him to realize that the whole crowd of animals had come to see what was happening. They all were clapping in appreciation of Cadpig's actions.

Cadpig smiled proudly as she walked back to Jake.

"I thought you weren't going to interfere," Jake said.

"That's not interfering, that's conflict resolution," Cadpig replied. "There's a difference."

"If you say so," Jake said, not really seeing where the difference was.

One of the animals, a female black cat, jumped down. "We never seen anyone capable of shutting those two up before! You're obviously not from around here. Say, girl, what's your name?"

"Oh, it was nothing," Cadpig said. "And my name is Cadpig."  
This inspired another round of applause from the crowd, followed by cheering. Cadpig walked triumphantly through the grateful commotion. Jake walked beside her.

"All's well that ends well," Cadpig said.

"I have a feeling that this isn't going to end well," Jake answered.

"You worry too much," Cadpig remarked with a smirk. "Just try to lighten up. Everything's going to be just fine!"

"If you say so," Jake said again. He just did not believe it.

* * *

**Cadpig did a good deed! But Jake isn't so sure that it was the right thing to do. Is he right in thinking this is going to backfire on them? What problems could doing a good deed possibly cause? Is our young heroine going to regret her well-meaning attempt to spread love and harmony?**

**Read on.**


	2. Saving a Life

Cadpig sat in front of a large, abandoned brownstone. This was where she had once lived, in what seemed like another lifetime. Her family had left this house for their farm in the country, where 101 Dalmatians could better spread out and live. Cadpig reminisced of how she, Lucky, and Rolly had snuck back here to find the brownstone cold and boarded up. This was how it looked now, except that it seemed to be in even worse shape than she had pictured.

"Things sure have changed," Cadpig said. "Nothing's like I remember it. My old home looks so sad now and all my friends have moved away." She sighed.

"Did you say something?" Jake said as he returned from rummaging through a dumpster in a nearby alley.

Cadpig rolled her eyes. "Yes, but it's not important, I guess…"

Jake shrugged. "Oh, good. I was afraid I missed something."

"Only if you count missing everything that used to be here. It used to be so nice. Now look at it!"

"Hey, Caddy, aren't you the one who always says that you have to look for the best in every situation?"

Jake looked around for what could actually be described as "best" in this situation. He started to point things out to Cadpig. "Like there, that plaster is becoming a lovely shade of… brown. Or over there, where there's a new plant growing… or it could be a weed, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess there is still some beauty around here," Cadpig said. "You just have to know where to look for it."

Jake smiled at having cheered her up. He looked around for something else to point at. "And up there, there's a dog who's about to jump."

"About to jump?" Cadpig and Jake shouted together as they watched a large dog, a Doberman by the looks of him, prepare to jump off the top of the brownstone.

"We've got to stop him!" Cadpig said.

"No, I think he looks fine by himself," Jake answered, not wanting to get involved.

"He looks fine? He looks… He's about to jump off that building!" Cadpig yelled.

"You say that like it's, uh, a bad thing!" Jake said with a sheepish smile.

"That's because turning himself into a sidewalk pancake _is _a bad thing!" Cadpig barked. "Hurry, follow me!"

Cadpig, having lived here (and having sneaked in here) before, was easily able to get into the brownstone. Jake followed her in and then up the many flights of stairs. Finally, they reached the roof.

"Don't jump!" Cadpig shouted as she stepped out.

The Doberman turned toward her. "Stay out of my business, lady!"

"Cadpig, maybe he's right," Jake said. "It is his business after all. By which he means not ours."

Cadpig ignored Jake and walked up to the Doberman. "Mr. Doberman, you don't have to do this! I'm sure whatever problem you've got can be easily worked out. Just tell me what it is."

The Doberman glared at her. "What are you, some type of therapist or something?"

Cadpig smiled. "It's a hobby."

"Well you can't fix my problems," he growled.

"Try me."

"You really can't. There's nothing you can do with someone who's got a name like Fluffy."

Cadpig struggled to find something to say. "Oh, Fluffy… that's… that's not a bad name."

"Are you kidding? For a Doberman? I'm supposed to be big and tough. Instead I sound like I'm a poodle!"

The Doberman actually seemed to be about to cry. Cadpig walked up beside him.

"There, there," she said. "Believe it or not, I can relate. I mean, Cadpig isn't exactly the most normal name on the planet. Some people think I'm weird because of it."

"And some people think she's weird because it's true," Jake muttered behind them.

"But do I let that bother me?" Cadpig said, taking a moment to glare at Jake. "No! I embrace it and I live my life everyday with full knowledge of who I am! And you can too!"

"I can?" the Doberman asked, disbelieving.

Cadpig nodded. "Uh-huh. But you have to make the effort. You have to define your name, not let your name define you! So, Fluffy may not be the most intimidating name in the world… well, who cares? You know, I hear Dobermans are actually very sweet and sensitive underneath that tough exterior. So why should you let anybody else tell you who to be? You can start living for yourself!"

"Hey, you're right!" Fluffy said, stepping back from the ledge. "I don't have to let what other people think bother me! It's my life, my name, and I don't care what they think!"

Cadpig stepped back with him. "That's the spirit! You know what? I think that you've grown here today, right now. You've taken another important step toward becoming a fully-realized canine being!"

Fluffy nodded. "You're right, Cadpig! I feel more realized already! I'll never forget you for this!"

And then, suddenly, a great cheer arose from the street. The three dogs looked down to see the crowd from earlier, once again applauding Cadpig's actions.

"They weren't there before, were they?" Jake asked.

"Cadpig! Cadpig! Cadpig!" the crowd shouted.

"No, definitely not here before," Jake answered himself.

When Cadpig, Jake, and Fluffy came down to street-level, all the animals crowded around them. They especially wanted to be around Cadpig.

"I'm surprised that so many people appreciate my efforts," Cadpig said. "People usually don't back in Grutely."

"Are you kidding?" Joe the terrier said. "You're our hero!"

"Your… your hero?" Cadpig thought for a moment. She liked the sound of that.

"There's just one thing," Joe continued. "We got a fight about to break out on 32nd Street. Real big and nasty. We'd hoped that maybe you could talk some sense into them."

"Well, if I must…" Cadpig said with a warm smile.

"Cadpig," Jake said, "don't you think that we've done enough good deeds for one day? I mean, it's not really your job or anything to be on call whenever something bad happens. Can't we just leave this to the authorities?"

The crowd collectively voiced their disappointment.

"Jake," Cadpig said reprovingly, "these good, honest people have come to us for help. We'd be cruel not to at least try to lend a helping paw."

She turned back to Joe. "I guess I can stop by. There aren't enough qualified conflict mediators in this city, I say. You guys need all the help you can get."

The crowd cheered again as Cadpig walked on with them. Jake paused and watched them go.

He said to himself, "Why do I have the feeling that this can only end badly?"

* * *

**Looks like Cadpig's got herself a fan-club. And she deserves it after all she's done. But maybe this isn't all it's cracked up to be. After all, they've now gotten her to agree to mediate between two opposing sides in a major brawl! Is Cadpig going to be able to navigate through this difficulty without getting herself in deep trouble, to say the least? And then what else could possibly be in store for her now that she has so many "admirers"? Is Jake's dire prediction going to pan out after all?**

**Read on.**


	3. War and Peace

Cadpig accompanied this multitude down into the heart of the city of Topstown. At this time, there was a great commotion occurring in a park at the center of the city. It seemed as if very many dogs were coming together for a bad purpose. For out of the center of this park came the sounds of argument.

Cadpig was most concerned when she heard what was being said. She knew heated words when she heard them and was certain that a fight was about to break out. So, without being directed, she walked toward the location of the loudest voices. All her new friends followed behind, waiting to see what she would do.

Jake ran past them and up to Cadpig. "Honey," he said, "do you really think we should be getting involved in this? I mean, if these people want to have a nice little turf war, should we really be trying to stop them?"

Cadpig sighed. "Jake, have you learned nothing? Only when we learn to live in peace and harmony with all our fellow canines will we actually rise above our problems."

By now, they had reached the epicenter of the noise. Standing there were a number of tough-looking canines, formed into two sides as if readying for a battle. Their leaders were standing in front of them and doing most of the talking, while the brutes yelled insults back and forth.

"You've come into our territory for the last time," said a large, brutish looking black hound. "I want you guys to clear out… or there'll be trouble."

"Tough luck, bud," said one of a pair of twin brown dogs, smaller than the hound but still looking rather strong and powerful. "We're coming in and taking over, see? If you stand in our way, we'll flatten all of you!"

"I'd like to see weaklings like you two try!" the hound shouted. "Nobody messes with Eddie's gang and gets away with it!"

Now the other brown dog spoke up. "Isn't he cute. Thinks he a tough guy or something. Come on, Tommy, let's deal with him!"

"Isn't it sad," Cadpig said to Jake, but loud enough for everybody else to hear, "that in these enlightened times we still feel the need to rely on violence to solve our problems?"

Jake shrugged. "Yeah, I guess but–"

"Who's the dame?" Tommy said. "And what's she doing here?"

"I think I should be askin' you the same question," Eddie the black hound barked back. "You guys are known for your tricks. But it ain't gonna fly here. Nobody ever pulls one over on me!"

"My, my, we do seem to be awfully hostile here," Cadpig said as she stepped in between them, pushing them apart. "What you boys need is some conflict resolution."

"And we'll resolute this conflict by pounding those guys into the ground!" Tommy snapped as he tried to charge Eddie.

"Cadpig, get outta the way!" Jake said, as Tommy did not seem like he was going to run her over to get to Eddie.

But then he went flying. Cadpig held up her fist, having just delivered a powerful uppercut. The look on her face showed that she was not amused by this disruption.

The other brown dog looked to his twin and then at Cadpig. "Hey, doll, nobody does that to my brother, ya hear? Just for that, I'm going to teach you somethin'."

And he prepared to attack Cadpig himself. But then, as he charged, he felt himself pulled back. Jake had ran up behind him and, with a strength almost as great as his girlfriend's, had pulled him away and slammed him down.

"Nobody messes with my girlfriend," Jake yelled as the ruffian hit the ground.

"Jake, please try to control yourself," Cadpig said disapprovingly.

"Me try to control myself?" Jake replied. "He was about to–"

"These guys are tough," Eddie said with a hint of fear. "We gotta take care of them or they'll run us both out of business! Boys, charge! Pound everybody, ya hear? Take no prisoners!"

Cadpig and Jake looked around in shock as the two gangs seemed to converge around them. A battle was to be joined, and they were right at the center of it, the targets of both armies.

The sight of this filled Cadpig's followers with much dread and foreboding. For they feared greatly what would happen should she be engulfed by the waves of the armies in the tide of battle. But, like the great fire of that ancient lighthouse shining out over a stormy sea, Cadpig stood out from all that surrounded her. Though very many canines attempted to attack her, none would get through. For her anger had been aroused at these hoodlums, and now she could not restrain herself. One after the other flew away from her as she delivered blows of rage. None could stand against her, none could even begin to try.

When her followers saw this, they were filled with wonder. Joe, looking on, shouted to the others. "Come on, we have to help Cadpig! Everybody, do your part!"

And so they charged into the fray. The entrance of this third force into the battle led to the crumbling of the first two who, already weary from fighting each other, could not hold up against the newcomers. Soon, calm had returned, but only because the two rival gangs were now in no shape to fight.

Cadpig stood in the middle of the now-quieted commotion. In one hand, she held the neck of the large black hound named Eddie. In the other she held the neck of the two brown dogs. Her eyes were burning with rage.

As she shook her victims violently, she yelled. "We will not solve our differences with violence! We shall have an open and peaceful dialogue, do you hear me?"

"Um…" the three dogs began to respond.

"Do you hear me?" Cadpig yelled again, louder this time, as her paws gripped deeper into their throats, making it impossible to breath.

As best they could, the three dogs nodded in agreement. Cadpig promptly dropped them.

When they got up, they saw that Cadpig had returned to her sweet self. "There, that's better, isn't it?"

"Um, yes ma'am," the brown dog named Tommy said.

"Yeah, we'll settle everything up right quick and peaceful-like," Eddie said.

Cadpig nodded her approval. At this point, most of the ruffians ran away, fearing that greater punishments may yet be in store.

Joe walked up to Cadpig. "Amazing, you did it again! This nonviolent stuff really works!"

Cadpig's smile widened. "Now you're getting the hang of it! See what a little bit of love and happiness can do?"

Jake, who had fared well enough in the fight, now came up beside his girlfriend and whispered into her large, floppy ear. "Am I the only one bothered by the fact that this supposedly 'non-violent' solution was achieved with an incredible amount of violence?"

Cadpig sighed. "Details, Jake, details."

Now the two brown dogs jostled Jake out of the way. They bowed politely to Cadpig. Tommy spoke, "Ma'am, my name's Thomas and this here's my brother, Theodore. People call him Teddy. We just want to say that you've shown us the light and we want to help spread this message of yours anyway we can."

"We got a plan, see," Teddy said. "We're gonna take this thing city-wide, er, if you'll let us, I mean."

Cadpig's eyes glowed as she thought of the possibilities. "Take this thing city-wide? You mean I could actually be a guru for animals throughout Topstown?"  
The twins nodded.

"Let's do it!" Cadpig said.

"Caddy, I really think this is a bad idea!" Jake said behind her. But then the twins pushed him out of the way as they led Cadpig off.

"Hey!" he protested.

"Get with the program or get lost!" Tom said over his shoulder.

"We just keep getting in deeper and deeper," Jake said as he watched his girlfriend walk off with her new followers. "I don't like those two. I'm gonna have to stick really close to Cadpig from now on. I just know that this can only go downhill from here."

* * *

**Is Jake's prediction correct?**

**Read on.**


	4. Cynicism

**Hey, everyone. You all probably thought that this one was dead since I haven't updated it in so long. Truth is, I've been so busy with my Alpha and Omega fanfics that I kinda let this one fall through the cracks.**

**But I'm back now and I promise that I'm not going to neglect my Cadpig stories like that again. They're here to stay.**

**So here you go. Without further ado, read on:**

* * *

A makeshift stage arose in the center of the park. It had obviously been put up in a hurry and was, overall, not very big. But it was there, and decorated about as well as could be in a short time, and atop it was a small podium. Behind the stage, Cadpig and Jake waited as a crowd began to arrive.

"It sure was nice of Tom and Teddy to set up everything for us," Cadpig said.

"For you, Cadpig, for you," Jake said. "I told you I don't think this is going to work."

"Ah, Jake, you're always giving off such bad vibes!" Cadpig said with a laugh. "All's well that ends well. Just you wait and see."

"I just don't like it. I don't trust those two. They're up to something. Mark my words, Cadpig, they're up to something."  
Cadpig shook her head. "With an attitude like that, Jake, you're going to start seeing enemies everywhere."

Jake looked out at the rambunctious crowd. "I think I already do."

Just then, Tommy and Teddy arrived with a large number of other animals.

"Okay, we've finally gotten everything ready, ma'am," Teddy said.

"Yeah, we found as many peoples as we could," Tommy said. "So you can just do

what you do. When you're ready, that is."

"Well, as I always say, there's no time like the present!" Cadpig said with a large smile.

"Perfect!" Tommy said. Then he jumped atop the stage and began to address the audience.

"Ladies and gents," he said. "I got a special treat for all yous tonight! I'm gonna be introducing you to a little lady who'll change your life."  
"Yeah, right!" someone yelled from the audience. "We've heard it all before from you, Tommy!"

Tommy waved his paws. "Yeah, sure you have. But this time, I'm serious. Seriously crazy about this girl. She's changed my life and she's gonna change all of yours. Just listen to her and you'll never be the same again! Okay, guys and gals, let me introduce to you the one… the only… Cadpig!"

As Cadpig stepped up onto the stage, she did not know what to expect. However, she did not expect what she received. From the one half of the audience, her supporters, came cheering. From the other half, silence.

"Well, apparently half of you already know what I'm going to say and the other half don't. The half of you that do can tell the half that don't and we can all go home early," she said, more out of nervousness than anything. But it got a laugh from the whole audience.

Cadpig started to relax a little. She looked out over the audience and wondered what to say. She had never had to address a crowd this large before. Sure, she had dealt with her ninety-seven brothers and sisters, but this was a crowd of a few hundred.

'Just relax, Cadpig,' she said to herself. 'Just relax and say whatever comes to mind.'

So she began speak, "Hello, everybody! My name's Cadpig! And I just wanted to talk to you today about happiness. How many of you are happy today?"

Her supporters cheered, but everyone else just grumbled or shrugged.

"And how many of you would like to be happy?"

The whole crowd barked in agreement.

Cadpig smiled one of her trademark large smiles. "Well, I'm here to tell you how to be happy. See, I bet most of you are unhappy because you're giving off all these bad-vibes, always thinking negative thoughts all the time. What you need to do is get rid of all of them. If you keep thinking pessimistically, you're going to cause bad things to happen to you. It's like you want them to happen, like you're calling them to you. So, if you want to change your lives, you have to be willing to get rid of them, to open yourself to the love which the universe wants to send your way."

The crowd seemed to find this message very agreeable. Many were nodding and shouting in agreement. But then there was a voice, as though from the wilderness, calling out over all of them. "Like you do, starting all these fights?"

Cadpig ignored it. "You just need love in life. And the universe will send it to you if you let it. Just open yourself up to peace."  
"Peace, ha!" said the voice again. "Like I've seen any peace left in your wake!"

Cadpig tried to ignore him again. "As I was saying, you've got to stop all these conflicts in your life and look inward, look to yourselves and how you view the world. Once you see that you're creating your own problems, you can–"

"Can what? Listen to you and start causing problems for other people? I should think not!"

Cadpig was now furious. "Who is being so rude here?"

She now saw the audience move away from one dog. He looked like a greyhound and was all white from age. His large brown eyes made him look like a  
madman, but possibly there was a trace of wisdom in them. He was carrying in his paw a lantern.

"I am Diogenes," said he, "and I seek an honest individual. In this I am much disappointed."

"Well, Diogenes," Cadpig said, her voice straining with annoyance, "maybe if you'd stop blocking yourself with these bad mental images, you'd find what you're looking for."

"Maybe if there was but one honest individual left in the world today," Diogenes said," I would not be so disappointed. But it seems I shall never find such a one. Especially not you. I have seen what you have done, always talking peace but just causing more fights than you solve. If there's any peace from you, it's just because you've got the largest street-gang on your side now! Why couldn't you just leave our city be?"

"Your city was a mess before I came here," Cadpig said. "You needed me. You needed me to save you."

"Maybe we would have been perfectly happy saving ourselves," the old hound argued.

"You just said that no one is honest enough… _except_ _maybe you_." Cadpig was being sarcastic with the last part, hoping to win by pointing out Diogenes' arrogance.

"Yes, except maybe me," Diogenes answered with a smile. "Maybe, though I wouldn't bet on it. But certainly not you. You are not nearly worthy enough for such a high task."

Cadpig tried to keep herself from snarling. "Oh, really? Then let me ask you, why don't you just take your so-called 'honesty' and put it where–"

Jake ran on stage and whispered into Cadpig's ear. "It's okay, Caddy. Just a heckler, is all. He just wants to get you worked up. Don't listen to him."

Cadpig smiled. "You're right, Jake. And I'm not going to let Mr. Bad-Vibes ruin my day! And neither should any of you." She was now speaking more to the crowd than her boyfriend.

At this, the old hound laughed. "By all means, don't listen to me… if you want to get caught up in this hurricane of buffoonery! But if you have any sense or reason, let's all just turn away from this foolish, selfish person. She can't tell you how to find enlightenment when she doesn't know it herself! All she understands is power and control, nothing about true freedom. Is that what you all want?"

And now Cadpig could not take it any longer. She jumped into the crowd, hoping to shut this old hound up once and for all. But he just laughed and jumped out of the way. She charged at him again, but again he dodged. Dogs all over quickly tried to escape their path as both Cadpig and Diogenes went round and round all sides of the stage.

Finally, the ancient greyhound made a quick escape up a tree and sat there laughing. "See, what did I tell you?" Diogenes said. "How can she control any of your destinies when she cannot even control her temper! Ha! Not at all, from what I can see!"

Cadpig would then and there have scaled the tree and brought him down but Jake grabbed her and pulled her back. "Don't let him get to you, don't let him get to you," Jake whispered into her large ear. "It'll be much worse for you than for him."

Finally, Cadpig felt herself begin to calm down. She smiled at Jake. "Thank you for reminding me," she said.

They caught Diogenes smiling mischievously out of the corner of their eyes, but when they looked up, he was already gone.

Cadpig and Jake now looked all around. They saw that, with the exception of Cadpig's already-won followers, everybody in the crowd seemed deeply confused and upset by the outburst and conflict with Diogenes. They were whispering and muttering amongst themselves things which Cadpig could tell were not favorable to her.

"He he, I think I really messed up this time," she said to Jake.

"No, you didn't mess up, Cadpig," Jake said. "You just… um… weren't what they were expecting? A breath of fresh air maybe?"

"Sweet of you to say, but I think I really messed up," Cadpig said. She thought that the crowd would reject her, but then Tommy got on the podium and started speaking.

"Great show, don't you think, everyone?" he said. "I mean, not only is she smart and beautiful, but she doesn't take any trouble from anybody. That heckler was here trying to fool you, trying to convince you of things that weren't true, and she threw him out like that! That's how much Cadpig cares about all of you; she won't let any old fool or politician or anybody lie to you! And that's why I think you should listen to everything that she says!"

Cadpig felt herself strengthened by what Tommy had said. And, apparently, the confidence of everyone else was restored as well. She felt her spirits rise with their voices, so she returned to the podium and smiled. "Yes, where were we? Oh, right, enlightenment. Everybody just follow me and you'll find all the enlightenment you could ever want! I've got more than enough to spare, I can guarantee it!"

She winked and the whole assembled crowd began cheering, louder and longer than Jake had ever heard a crowd cheer before. His girlfriend was a big hit, but was it because of her message or Tommy's little bit of flim-flam?

Out of nowhere, Jake thought he heard the laughter of the old greyhound, though Diogenes himself was nowhere to be seen. Things were definitely getting stranger and Cadpig was getting in deeper. Jake couldn't help wondering what would happen now as hundreds of animals were now cheering Cadpig's name.

"Here we go again," Jake said sadly.

* * *

**Who is Diogenes? And what strange adventures await Cadpig and Jake?**

**Read on.**


	5. Night in Central Park

**I promised that I was not going to let this story be neglected again. I've kept my promise. Here's the next installment of ****_Saint Cadpig_****.**

* * *

Night had fallen. The city of Topstown was as noisy and busy as ever, a city that never sleeps if ever there was one. But in the middle of the central park, there was a calm. Jake and Cadpig sat under a tree, enjoying being alone together for the first time that day.

"It's so nice to finally get some time alone," Jake said, relieved that the crowd had finally seemed to dissipate for the night.

"I know," Cadpig said. "Being a spiritual leader can really be… draining!"

The air was crisp and calm and the moon shined brightly over the quiet park, its reflection bouncing off the waters of a large lake and bathing the trees all about.

"We should probably be getting home," Cadpig said. Neither she nor Jake particularly wanted to, but they both knew that their families would be worried about them, since they had been gone for so long. But in reality, they could have stayed and stared into that lake forever, so tranquil and peaceful was it. Though manmade, it seemed eternal, an unchanging thing in a world of change.

Cadpig let herself fall into these thoughts as she gazed into the lake but Jake, being of much less a philosophical nature, was easily distracted by something he thought he saw on the other end. He saw specks of white appearing behind the trees, suggesting that someone was back there. Jake was curious to know who it was and why, but not curious enough to get up from his spot.

However, the thing seemed to be coming nearer and Jake suddenly experienced a sharp sense of dread. He felt the immediate instinct to protect Cadpig from whatever was coming, which he just felt couldn't be friendly.

"I'll be right back," he said, getting up to go check on whatever it was and not wanting to alarm his girlfriend.

"Uh-huh," Cadpig said, still staring into the water.

Jake walked around the pond and toward the trees on the other side. But as he neared the white thing, which he could now tell was canine, it suddenly disappeared deeper into the trees. Jake, without much considering, quickly gave chase. The thing seemed to know of his presence, for it too quickened its pace and charged off through the grey woods. Jake followed it some way but then made to turn back, because he did not want to get too far from Cadpig. As he did so, the thing suddenly jumped from a tree right in front of him.

Jake made immediately to attack this unexpected enemy but stopped when he realized who it was. Here was Diogenes, looking at him and chuckling.

"You again!" Jake said, his voice full of disgust. "Why do you keep bothering us?"

"I only bother people who need to be bothered!" Diogenes shot back. "And right now, you two need to be bothered the most of anyone!"

Jake shook his head. "Whatever. If you've got some grudge against us, why don't you just come out and say it?"

"Why, what are you going to do to me, young lad?" Diogenes guffawed. "You gonna beat me up or something."

Jake smiled devilishly. "Try me, I'll make you famous." Diogenes let out a loud, long laugh which embarrassed Jake. "Now there's no need to be like that! I'm here to help you, after all!"

"Help us, really?" Jake said. "And by criticizing Cadpig earlier, you were helping us?"

Diogenes nodded. "Don't take it too badly. Your Cadpig has the makings of a great and wise teacher, I'll admit. But there is still much which she herself needs to learn before she can teach. That was all I was saying… in my own peculiar fashion, of course."

"Of course," Jake said, disbelieving.

"It's true, laddie, whether you like it or not," Diogenes said. "But I am your friend… and you need all the friends you can get with the enemies you got stacked against you."

"Enemies, what enemies?" Jake said, though he thought he already knew.

"Why, those two degenerates, Thomas and Theodore. The two brothers you already met."

"I knew those two were trouble! What are they up two? Espionage, treason, murder?" Jake, in an instant, had found himself believing the old dog after all.

Diogenes laughed. "Oh no, nothing so wild as all that. But they do want to make their gang the most powerful one in the city. And they figure your Cadpig is their ticket to doing just that. They're thanking their lucky stars to have had her cross their paths, I'll tell you that."

Jake pounded his paw into his fist. "If they do anything to hurt Cadpig, I swear I'll–"

"I'm sure you will," Diogenes said. "But let's not let our temper get away from us. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, after all."

Jake felt like he was being mocked again. He did not like it. "Okay, so why are you telling me all this? If you don't want me to put the hurting on these two, what's the point?"

"I'm telling you this," Diogenes said, "because I think that, deep down, you know the problem with Cadpig's new spiritual enterprise. Violence just spawns violence and you know that the vicious cycle has already begun. And, unless I've missed my guess, the better angels of your nature tell you that more violence is not going to solve anything."

Jake let out a laugh. "Now you sound just like Cadpig, mister. But I tell you what, if those two yahoos are any threat to my lady, the better angels of my nature can say whatever they like, but I'm still going to dissect them slowly and painfully!"

"From what I've seen, Cadpig can take care of herself in that department. But did she pick you because you're just as violent as she is?"

Jake looked down at his feet bashfully. "Well, no… She said it's something I have to work on."

Diogenes nodded. "You two deserve each other. But, I'm willing to wager that both of you are better and smarter than what those two ruffians take you for. But of the two of you, you seem to be the one who's not too pig-headed to listen to what I'm saying."

"Okay, what do you want me to do about it, then?" Jake was still annoyed, but he knew Diogenes was making sense.

"Just look out," Diogenes said. "Trouble is brewing and Cadpig is going to be right at the center of it. She'll need someone to watch her back. And I guess you'll have to do."

Jake nodded with a look of determination on his face. "Don't worry, nobody's going to threaten Cadpig while I'm around."

"Well, you better get back to her," Diogenes said. "She'll be wondering what's kept you. And it's best if you don't mention this little discussion of ours. I don't think she'd understand. But be ready; dangerous times are coming."

Jake, stunned by the final pronouncement, could only stare at the old dog. For several seconds, he did nothing but stare. Diogenes chuckled at this. Then the old dog pointed in the direction of Cadpig and Jake, taking the hint, made to reach her on the other side of the lake.

"Where have you been?" Cadpig said as he arrived.

"Um, I just thought I saw something in the trees," Jake said. "It was… something. Definitely some sort of thing."

"What sort of thing?"

"Oh, nothing… um, nothing to worry about, just… yeah."

Cadpig shook her head. "Jake, we have to keep working on how you express yourself. Let's try for a complete sentence next time."

Jake smiled in embarrassment. "Um, yeah, will do… but I think we should really get home now. It's getting so late!"

Cadpig nodded sadly. "Yeah, I guess we should. I'll need my rest if I'm gonna be back here tomorrow."

Jake was alarmed by Cadpig's intentions, especially after everything he had just heard. "Um, tomorrow?"

"Of course. There is so much work left to be done in this city. You didn't think I'd give up before I finished it all, did you?"

Jake tried to force a smile. "Of course not, Caddy."

Soon after, they left the park and the city, heading back for Grutely. All the while, Diogenes' words repeated themselves over and over in Jake's head, "Dangerous times are coming."

* * *

**What dangers await our heroes now?**

**Read on.**


	6. Notice

Hello, everyone. I have an announcement to make.

I'm sorry to say that this story has failed to live up to my expectations. Though I do like many parts of it, there is just too much that I feel could have been done so much better. I know that I have been slow in updating, but the truth is that I have been trying to figure out various ways to save the story. However, I don't think that, as it is right now, it is going to live up to my standards.

As such, I've made the unfortunate decision to end this story for the time being. I have not given up on it, but plan to rewrite it from the beginning and hopefully finally turn it into the story I originally wanted. Though it's hard to face now, I know this story is going to be able to rise from the ashes and, like the phœnix of old, be reborn much greater than it was before.

And, just so you know, the new version of this story shall be the first in a trilogy.

Thank you to everyone who has followed this story this far. It may take me a while to do the rewrite, but in the meantime, I have a new Cadpig story in the works. So, until then, thank you for reading.

- Gordon Pasha


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